


Ain't That a Kick in the Ass

by abigail89



Category: Almost Human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3449576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigail89/pseuds/abigail89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is secretly delighted with the leg Dorian gave him as a gift, but he doesn’t want Dorian to know that. It’ll blow his cool. . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ain't That a Kick in the Ass

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2nd AHFanCon on tumblr under the name tigerarchivist

“Hey, Rudy!”

Rudy Lom turned away from the MX unit—MX-785, to be precise--he’d been working on at the sound of his name; the lab was mostly quiet, what with only one other technician working late on a Friday night. “What? Who’s there?”

“It’s me,” John Kennex replied in the same low, quiet voice. He was standing in a dark corner of the cluttered lab. “Anyone else around?"

“John,” he said, dropping the screwdriver and taking off the magnifying glasses. “What are you doing?”

“Is there anyone else around?"

It was kind of an odd question coming from Detective Kenner who rarely gave a shit about any of the technicians who kept the androids for the police force working at top specs, as well as the computers, tablets, phones and everything else the human members of the force treated badly. But…whatever. Rudy glanced over at Patterson, seated at the other end of the lab.

“Yeah, but he’s plugged into his iPod, so he’s not going to hear anything except maybe a nuclear explosion. Patterson plays his music too loud. I keep telling him it’s too loud and that he’s going to regret it when he turned forty, but the human ear isn’t meant—“

“Yeah, that’s just great, Rudy,” Kennex said, finally stepping into the pool of light created by the two digital lamps Rudy favored when he was doing close work. “Got a favor to ask.”

“Sure.” Rudy liked Kennex, liked that he was something of a throwback, a bad boy, and a rebel with the heart of lion, a guy who should’ve died three years ago when a graviton blast took his leg. John Kennex is the kind of guy who just doesn’t take no for an answer. 

“So, Dorian gave me this leg,” Kennex began. He held up the SX-47 exterior android limb that he’d helped Dorian procure. 

“Ah! Dorian gave it to you, then,” Rudy said. He leaned over and took the leg from Kennex’s hands. “I had to hack into your medical records to get all the measurements so we could manufacture it.”

Kennex’s eyes grew wider. “You gotta be kidding me! You hacked into my records?”

“Oh, yeah. Do it all the time. But this time it was for all the right reasons.” Rudy laid the leg on his work table. “Now this is a work of art, John. The SX stroke 47 line is light years ahead of the model you now have. The servos work synchronistically instead of—“

“Rudy, I don’t need to know all the gory details of the inner workings of this thing,” Kennex interrupted. “I just need to make the goddamned thing work.”

“Oh. It doesn’t?”

Kennex rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t have come down here in the middle of the night if it worked, now would I?”

Rudy looked at his computer. “It’s not really the middle of—“

“Rudy, it’s an expression. Look, can you get this thing to work for me or not?”

The scientist gave him his best “Are you shitting me?” look. “John, I built this. Of course I can get it to work!”

“Great. Get on with it.”

Rudy looked around his overloaded work space. “Um, I’m gonna have to move MX-785 out of the way. My other table is taken up with two other MX units. I need to get a lift so I can get him out of the way.” He started picking his way around the body parts of androids that littered the lab.

Kennex shoved the MX unit on the narrow table onto the floor. “I think your table is clear now.”

Rudy turned as MX-785 hit the floor. “John! That’s a very bad way to treat these androids. They are expensive to build and I’m sure the department would be very upset to learn you had treated it like that!”

“Yeah, yeah. You gonna squeal on me?” Kennex sat down on the table and put his artificial leg up. “Get on with it, will you? I wanna get home to have a chance at a decent night’s sleep.”

Rudy was dismayed that MX-785 was now upside down and at an odd angle. “It’s going to take me hours to get him up and running again. You disturbed all the work I’d just done.”

“Well, the department’s rolling along quite nicely without old MX-, MX-…”

“785.”

“Yeah, that one. I, on the other hand, need the new leg to work. And I need it to go on now.”

Rudy returned and opened the panel to the controls on the new leg. “Which leads me to ask you this question,” he said as his rummaged through the tools in a coffee can on the table. “Why _are_ you here in the middle of the night to change your limb out?”

Kennex sighed, and didn’t answer for several seconds. “Because,” he said finally, “I don’t want Dorian to know that I’m using it.”

Rudy stopped what he was doing and looked at him. “Why?”

“It’s…it’s a thing.”

“A thing?”

“Yeah, he made a big deal out of it, and was all excited about getting this for me, and I just don’t want him to get a big head over it.”

Rudy stared at the detective. “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“Yeah, well. Maybe. Just get the fucking thing to work.”

Rudy adjusted the light, shaking his head as he did. “As if an android can get a ‘big head’,” he muttered darkly. 

“Without the commentary, please.”

Caught out, Rudy shuffled through the tools to find what he needed to make the adjustments. “Here we are. You always need the right tool for the right job, I always say.” He bent over the leg and hit the ‘on’ switches to bring it online.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Kennex added, laying on the sarcasm. “Everyone says that.”

“Right. Well, engineers not only build the things, but they make the tools to turn them on. And, here is your fully functioning leg.” He handed the limb to Kennex. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to have to make a little change to the attachment on your stump.”

Kennex looked at the new leg. “It feels different.”

“Of course it does. It _is_ different.” Rudy gave the artificial limb attached to John a twist, breaking the connection with the plate on the stump. 

“No, like it’s…I don’t know. Lighter?” Kennex lifted it, then picked up the old limb. “Yeah, it’s lighter. That’s going to take some getting used to.”

“Actually, these new limbs will acclimate to your body over a short period of time. It’ll learn how you walk, run, exercise, dance, jump. It will automatically adjust its own weight.” Rudy reached over to the table for a headlamp, put it on, and turned on the small, intense light. 

“How does that work?”

“Well, I could explain it to you, but you’d just get bored,” Rudy said as he added two small pieces to the stump plate.

Kennex chuckled. “I deserved that.”

“No. I just know you don’t appreciate the gory details, so I just saved you from a fifteen minute lecture on micro-mechanics.” He tossed the tools onto the work table. “Okay, let’s light this baby up.” He took the new limb and attached it to John’s stump. The leg shimmered imperceptibly and instantly took on the appearance of a human leg. “Try it out.”

Kennex turned and slid off the table. He kicked a few times, stomped on it, shook it, then kicked some more. “Well, fuck me. That’s pretty amazing. It doesn’t have that really tiny lag time that you insisted didn’t exist in the old leg.”

“There is a lag time, but mostly it’s in your brain. The new servos on the SX stroke 47 line of artificial human limbs were designed to interface much better with the nervous system. It’ll get even better as your brain gets used to the new impulses.”

Kennex walked around, did a couple of high-knee kicks, and looked down at the new limb. “Huh. Thanks, Rudy. Really appreciate it.” He turned, and waved. “Don’t stay up too late. Remember, the departmental picnic is tomorrow."

“It’s already the middle of the night. And you’re welcome,” Rudy called after him. He started to walk back to the computer on his desk, but tripped over the android John pushed onto the floor. “Sorry about that, MX-785.”

*~*

The next day found Kennex actually eager to get outside. He got up, dressed, and went for a jog. Not a hard run like he'd finally gotten used to since...well, _since_ , but just a slow, loping jog to, as Rudy put it, train his new artificial limb what _he_ liked and was like. 

It was a beautiful morning; the temperature was perfect for getting out and running around the lake. He took time to appreciate the beauty of his neighborhood, the lake, the tree-laden park surrounding them.

“How’s the new leg?”

Kennex turned his head to find Dorian running alongside him. “How do you know it’s the new one?”

Dorian gave him one of those blindingly sweet smiles. “Because you’re holding yourself a little differently. And, I scanned it so I know it’s new.”

Kennex looked straight ahead and scowled. “What did I tell you about scanning me? I thought we had an agreement.”

“That agreement only covers your scrotum,” Dorian said matter-of-fact. “It’s my job to scan your artificial limb, to make sure it is functioning at optimal levels. That’s how I knew it’s the SX stroke 47.”

“Did Rudy say anything to you?”

“No. I haven’t seen Rudy in three point eight days.” Dorian pulled ahead of him, just a little. “Let’s give it a workout.”

“Rudy said—“

“Come on.”

Kennex sped up, keeping up with his android partner. “You know,” Kennex said, “I’m still mostly human. Pretty sure I won’t keep up.”

“That’s all right. I’ll adjust my speed to match yours. But you can do better than the pansy pace you were running at.” Dorian turned and ran backwards, his knees pumping up and down. “Now, the SX stroke 47 limb ‘learns’ as you use it. Pick up your knees. Good!”

Kennex could feel the new limb effortlessly moving up and down and actually helped his human leg move better. “Hey, this is great!”

“Now, goose-step it,” Dorian ordered. They slowed and walked with their legs straight out, parallel to the ground.

“I don’t think I ever could do this,” Kennex said.

“Of course not.” Dorian looked around and spotted some kids playing soccer in a nearby field. “Come on.”

They ran over to the field, where Dorian approached the boys holding several balls. “My friend here just got a new artificial limb. He wants to see how it’ll do kicking a ball. Can we borrow a few and see him kick some goals?”

The boys nodded and tossed him some balls and then ran off to the other end of the field. “Okay, let’s see how you do.” Dorian threw one at him. “Bounce it off your knees, then your feet.”

Kennex, who played a little soccer in high school, kept the ball up in the air for several bounces then dropped it to the ground; he kicked it around and then uncorked a strong kick. The ball hit the net and bounced back out.

“Nice,” Kennex said. “That’s a new feeling.”

“Should be,” Dorian said. “Try another.”

They kicked the balls around for a short time, then left them in the goal net. They waved goodbye and continued their run.

“So, you like the new leg?” Dorian asked. He’s got an expectant look on his face.

Kennex shrugged. “Yeah, it’s all right.”

Dorian stopped. “All right? It’s just _all right_?”

“It’s a leg, D. It stays attached to my body, it propels me from one spot to another, it kicks shit out of my way.”

“So it just ‘gets the job done’.”

“Pretty much.” John started jogging again. He missed the look of disbelief Dorian was giving him. 

It made him smile.


End file.
